Mariah Carey and The Hallmark channel have announced that the Holiday season is upon us. At least for us in the United States. Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks. Stores are decked with boughs of holly. Hallmark has a new Christmas movie premiering every weekend. And somewhere there is a stepmom dreading the upcoming festivities.
Navigating the festive season as a stepmom can be a complex endeavor. The holidays often bring a mix of emotions, expectations, and even chaos, especially in blended families. Planning with toxic co-parents, going over the custody order and schedule with extended family, not getting to celebrate with the step kids because they're with the other birth parent, having to deal with disrespectful step children, arguing with your partner over whose finances cover which child, not getting to spend time with your own family because of the custody order etc. All of that with diverse and sometimes conflicting backgrounds and traditions under one roof, it’s essential to create an environment that promotes respect and harmony. At the very least, for your sake. In this post, we’ll explore practical and actionable strategies to ensure holiday celebrations are meaningful for everyone involved.
Establish Open Communication
A vital element of any blended family is open communication. Set aside time for the entire family—both kids and adults—to share their thoughts about the upcoming holiday plans. For example, you could organize a family meeting where everyone can discuss their likes and dislikes regarding festivities. This ensures that everyone's voice is heard and respected.
Tip: Use a family calendar to mark important dates and activities. Research indicates that families who plan together are 30% more likely to experience lower stress during the holiday season. This practice demonstrates that everyone’s input is valued, highlighting the importance of teamwork in forging family bonds.
Set Boundaries (My favorite lol)
Boundaries play an important role in maintaining family harmony and inner peace, especially in blended families. Clearly communicate what is acceptable during celebrations. This can involve discussing traditions, gift-giving, or even how much time each family member spends with their own side of the family. But please communicate these boundaries with the utmost respect for other involved. It's okay to make room for compromise.
Create New Traditions
While it’s important to honor family traditions, creating new ones can significantly enhance family unity. Shared experiences can deepen connections and create lasting memories unique to your blended family.
Example: In my husband's custody order, father and mother share Christmas day each year. Year one, child spends Christmas eve into Christmas morning with one parent, and child spends Christmas afternoon and the rest of the year with the other parent. It alternates each year. So the year we have Christmas eve with my step son, we open presents on Christmas eve with my in-laws so that his Christmas day activities aren't cut short. He opens Santa's presents on Christmas morning and has enough time to play with those gifts before his mom picks him up. It's our new norm. With my family being out of state, I celebrate Christmas with them the day after. I'm hoping I can fly in Christmas afternoon this year and make Christmas dinner with them.
Balance Responsibilities
With the many tasks that come with holiday celebrations, it's necessary to share responsibilities evenly among family members. When everyone participates, it not only decreases the burden on one individual but also instills a sense of belonging and importance.
Plan: Develop a holiday task chart to visually outline who is responsible for what. Tasks can range from baking cookies to organizing decorations. Research shows that families who share responsibilities tend to enjoy their time together 40% more than those who don't.
Be Mindful of Emotions
The holiday season can evoke complex emotions, especially for children who may be divided between two families. Acknowledging each family member's feelings can foster a more supportive atmosphere and make the experience less overwhelming.
Suggestion: Frequently check-in with each child. Create an atmosphere where the children can express how they are feeling about the holidays. Questions like, "What are you looking forward to the most?" or "What is worrying you about the holidays this year?" can lead to deeper conversations. This approach may uncover unique sensitivities that need to be addressed to ensure everyone feels included.
Speaking of...Encourage Inclusivity
Ensure that every family member feels included in the holiday planning process. Involving children in decision-making can promote a sense of belonging and togetherness.
Initiative: Create an "idea jar" where everyone can submit their suggestions for holiday activities. This simple act emphasizes that every opinion matters and keeps the planning process fun and engaging.
Practice Patience and Flexibility
It's crucial to approach holiday festivities with a mindset of patience and flexibility. Plans may change, and emotions can fluctuate, so being adaptable helps ease tension and enables everyone to enjoy the moment. You can't control everything and that is ok.
Lead by Example
Setting the right tone for respect and harmony starts with you as a stepmom. Your behavior sets an example for others. Treat each family member with kindness and respect, and showcase positive behaviors, like celebrating achievements or resolving conflicts amicably.
Action: Express appreciation to your family members for their efforts during the holidays.
Embrace the Holiday Spirit
Navigating the holidays as a stepmom in a blended family can be a rewarding yet challenging experience. By fostering open communication, establishing boundaries, creating new traditions and promoting inclusivity, you can cultivate an environment that respects everyone's feelings while building family unity. Recognizing and celebrating each member’s uniqueness can transform your holiday festivities into cherished memories that last a lifetime. Also, remember you are not in control of or responsible for other's expectations and emotions. You can celebrate how you intend separately, and still have harmonious gatherings together.
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